I was sitting in class when the article got handed to me. It was titled “How depression can damage a marriage(1).” My heart sank. I instantly felt inadequate. I am 23 years old and I already have something about me that will damage my future marriage? I just sat there and stared at the title. It seemed to cut to the deepest parts of me. It found my weakness. I had been exposed. Maybe I shouldn’t be getting married next month. Am I bringing something into this relationship that is going to damage it? If mental illness can drag the relationship down(2), then maybe I am just a sinking ship. Maybe, I am doomed for failure. Fast forward to my next class, a group gets up to present about the negative impacts that depression has on parenting(3). Wait, now my depression is going to make me a bad mother? Not only is the chemical imbalance in my brain going to damage my future marriage but now it is also going to handicap my parenting. Great. Are the chemicals, or lack of chemicals, in my brain really going to be the downfall of my future marriage and family? I am not the only one that deals with depression. Depression is the most prevalent mental health issue in the United States(4). Major depressive disorder (MMD) affects nearly 16 million adults in the United States and that is not the only way that people can experience depression. Along with MMD there is also clinical depression, atypical depression, seasonal depression, bipolar disorder, persistent depression, situational depression, and postpartum depression(5). It is not a short list, and it is not only handful of people. So why will depression ruin my future marriage while someone who takes [insert example of some other daily medication] does not get singled out or researched? Now, I don’t think that the researches want people with depression to feel worse, never get married, and not have children. Though that may have been my first instinct when I read the title of that article or sat through that presentation. Here is the thing, “the stigma of mental illness is perhaps the greatest barrier to care.(6)” The problem isn’t that I have clinical depression, the problem is if I don’t get the help I need. It isn’t about fighting the problem solo, it is about getting help. It isn’t about being strong, it is about being healthy. In fact, with help from professionals, being married to a spouse with depression can be an eye opening and stigma shattering experience. Tackling depression together as a couple can lead to greater understanding, unity, and empathy. In fact, the husband of a wife with depression said it “has been a gift that has helped her empathize with so many people. It’s helped us understand that mental illness is not an abnormality. We see it as something that needs to be accepted as part of being human.(7)” So, what is the take away? Here is a hint, I am not going to ruin my future marriage or family because I have clinical depression. I am not doomed for failure. I am worthy and deserving of help and just like someone who might have to take insulin every day to get their body working the way it should, I am not ashamed of what my brain might need. For some people what they need is a visit to the doctors, for others it is a long talk with a professional to help them unravel their emotions, and for me it is taking a little blue pill in the morning to give my brain a needed boost(8). 1. Whiting, J. (2018, Sept 07). How Depression Can Damage a Marriage. Psychology today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-lies-and-conflict/201809/how-depression-can-damage-marriage
2. Krauss, S. (2016, Feb 16). How Being Depressed Can Affect Your Relationships. Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201602/ how-being-depressed-can-affect-your-relationships 3. O’Connor, R. (2018, Dec 04). Depressed Parents and the Effects on Their Children. Psych Central. Retrieved from https://psychcentral.com/lib/depressed-parents-and-the-effects-on-their-children/ 4. Anxiety and Depression Association of America. (2018). Facts and Statistics. Retrieved from https://adaa.org/about-adaa/press-room/facts-statistics 5. Feintuch, S. (n.d.). 9 Types of Depression You Didn’t Know You Could Have. Reader’s Digest. Retrieved from https://www.rd.com/health/wellness/types-of-depression-you-didnt-know-youcould-have/ 6. Friedman, M. (2014, May 13). The Stigma of Mental Illness is Making us Sicker. Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/brick-brick/201405/the-stigma-mental-illness-is-making-us-sicker 7. La Gorce, T. (2017, Aug 18). Coping with Depression as Love Wins the Day. The New York Times. Retrieved from https://www.nytimes.com/2017/08/18/fashion/weddings/battle-depression-love-wins-episcopal-priests-to-be.html 8. Popular meme. Retrieved from https://i.pinimg.com/originals/d5/07/3b/d5073bacebb7a51298d47b66380d7c14.png
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